The Man Steps Down Amid Sexual Harrassment Claims

29 01 2018

Black Rock City’s iconic figure, The Man, is the latest high-profile celebrity embroiled in a scandal involving sexual misconduct. As a result, he will not stand for re-erection in 2018 effective immediately. Pressure had been mounting for the celebrated public servant to resign after the release of the book Fire and Furry, in which multiple accusers detailed his lewd and lascivious behavior spanning three decades.

While none of the book’s most incendiary claims have yet been confirmed, there is a pattern to the alleged victims’ stories. Allegations of his abuse have been an open secret in the Burner community and include various perversions from giving unwanted splinters to 2nd degree burns to breaking down RV doors and then MOOPing into potted plants.

Reading from prepared remarks at the Reno Walmart parking lot, The Man said “I don’t recall ever meeting many of my accusers. However, for those few of you whose faces I do recognize, I recall the events very differently from their portrayal in the book.” The Man dismissed the accusations as Burner’s Remorse.

Defending his years of being an upstanding citizen at the center of the city, The Man seemed bewildered and up in arms by the public outrage against him. “Before Burning Man sold out, shirtcocking with wood was as natural as firing a gun. Radical self-reliance means I’m responsible for my sexual needs, and participation means I seek out partners for those needs. I’ve done nothing wrong.”

Many in attendance found his attempts to TheMansplain tone deaf and unacceptable. Said Aphrosmite, “Ultimately, being burned at the stake is a privilege, not a right.”

Immediately after the public apology, a hot mic caught The Man joking with his publicists, “Who’s got no thumbs and just lied about his sexual harassment history? This guy.”

While it’s unclear what The Man will do after the smoke has cleared and the dust has settled, he doesn’t seem to have lost the support of his base. Not shying away from expressing some bitterness over the fallout, he hinted that he might see if there’s room for him at Coachella.


Top 10 Stories of 2010

28 12 2010

In what has been The Shroom’s only most successful year yet, we felt obliged to give you readers a year-end list of those stories which confused captivated you most.

10.   City of Irvine to LIB: We will not be your Gerlach!

Despite a movement to rename Orange County, Pornj County, Irvine Mayor Nick Bishop railed against LIB and its participants warning them not to expect Irvine to roll out the red carpet and be as accommodating as those hicks folks up in Nevada.




9.   World’s Largest Shrew Files World’s Largest Harassment Suit

One uptight woman is all it took to get spankings at the greeter’s station 86’d.






8.   Incestuous Camp Sex Actually Incest

The Shroom’s report of two siblings who unknowingly knock playa boots hits it hard.





7.   Editorial: You NEED Me on That Trash Fence!

Can you handle the truth about the trash fence?





6.   Growing Fundamentalist Movement Threatens Burning Man

Not even Black Rock City is immune to fundamentalist ideologies and terrorist activity anymore. This expose informs Burners of the radicals in their midst.





5.   Bacon Without Borders Suffers Camp Wide Heart Attack

This was the only surviving member of Bacon Without Borders.

Wait, you mean you can’t eat bacon for every meal? Who knew?









4.   Editorial: Mercury Won’t Always Be in Retrograde, but You’ll Always Be Crazy

One burner waxes philosophic about his tryst with a woman who was ruled by neurosis the stars.






3.   Editorial: I Went to Bed With a Fuck Buddy and Woke Up With a Fucktard

Ms. Hot Tamale vents her frustrations with the pussification of Burning men.





2.   Larry Harvey Responds to WikiLeaks

Larry Harvey explains what he thinks of the secret documents uncovered by WikiLeaks to the peons people of Black Rock City.





1.   WikiLeaks Releases BORG Documents

The Burning Man Organization is caught with their pants down. And no, they were nowhere near Jiffy Lube.

World’s Largest Shrew Files World’s Largest Harassment Suit

15 10 2010

RENO, NV – A sexual harassment lawsuit was filed in federal court today in Reno in which everyone who attended Burning Man in 2009 was named. The suit stems from an incident at last year’s Burning Man festival when some angry little shrew got her panties all wadded up about getting spanked at the greeter’s station.

Rather than accept the spanking in the spirit of fun, greeting and acceptance in which it was intended, the uptight woman preferred to have a hissy fit. “She really wigged out. I don’t understand it, we didn’t even haul out the big paddle,” said head greeter Bridget the Widget. The Shrew’s world class uptightness didn’t end at the greeter’s station. Her complaint extended to the events within the city as well. According to the suit filed by her lawyer, David Cheetham of the Orange County, California firm Dewey, Cheetham & Howe, the persistent nudity, sex-themed theme camps, and constant innuendo at the festival comprised a hostile environment and/or quid pro quo situation 24/7.

According to eyewitness accounts the woman wandered into the neighborhood of every single sex-themed camp. This included a craning of the neck at Beaver Eating Competition Camp, a kneel down and raised eyebrow at Jiffy Lube, and a mouth agape and drooling reaction to many many other camps. Often times her lips would contradictorily (sic) curl in disgust and desire. Said Widget, “I’m all for one picking and choosing when and how to be sexual or sexually aroused or creeped out, but the things that came out of that little c**t’s mouth…I swear I wanted to bitch slap her and throw her covered in honey into a cuddle puddle.”

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