World’s Largest Shrew Files World’s Largest Harassment Suit

15 10 2010

RENO, NV – A sexual harassment lawsuit was filed in federal court today in Reno in which everyone who attended Burning Man in 2009 was named. The suit stems from an incident at last year’s Burning Man festival when some angry little shrew got her panties all wadded up about getting spanked at the greeter’s station.

Rather than accept the spanking in the spirit of fun, greeting and acceptance in which it was intended, the uptight woman preferred to have a hissy fit. “She really wigged out. I don’t understand it, we didn’t even haul out the big paddle,” said head greeter Bridget the Widget. The Shrew’s world class uptightness didn’t end at the greeter’s station. Her complaint extended to the events within the city as well. According to the suit filed by her lawyer, David Cheetham of the Orange County, California firm Dewey, Cheetham & Howe, the persistent nudity, sex-themed theme camps, and constant innuendo at the festival comprised a hostile environment and/or quid pro quo situation 24/7.

According to eyewitness accounts the woman wandered into the neighborhood of every single sex-themed camp. This included a craning of the neck at Beaver Eating Competition Camp, a kneel down and raised eyebrow at Jiffy Lube, and a mouth agape and drooling reaction to many many other camps. Often times her lips would contradictorily (sic) curl in disgust and desire. Said Widget, “I’m all for one picking and choosing when and how to be sexual or sexually aroused or creeped out, but the things that came out of that little c**t’s mouth…I swear I wanted to bitch slap her and throw her covered in honey into a cuddle puddle.”


Burning Man Twice as Gay on Friday!

10 07 2010

Gay Burning Man leaders were thrilled after the appearance of double rainbows heralded a Friday night that would be double the usual amount of gay.

“Break out your tiara, because it’s double G-A-Y tonight”, said Sparkles.  A Jiffy Lube Camp spokesman stated that they were putting up additional fuck swings to handle the expected increase in traffic.  A Playa-wide alert was issued to all Friday night DJs advising them to stock up on Danny Tenaglia records.

Photo by Carie Camacho

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