Hipster Drug Dealer Selling Artisanal Molly

13 11 2014


Free-range ketamine, cruelty-free cocaine, and organic 2C-b/i blessed by a high priestess are just a few of the recreational chemicals available for sale by a new breed of craft-dedicated drug dealers in Black Rock City.

Tired of the mass-marketed drugs sold through major open air markets throughout the US, these hipster dealers in skinny-legged faux fur pants have gone to great lengths to ensure the quality of their product.

“When we cut your blow with corn starch, you can be damned sure that it’s GMO-free,” a burner calling himself Silk Toad said. “And we certify all of our products are made in small batches. None of that Walter White industrial bullshit. ”

At press time, Silk Toad was still working with a compatriot in Silver Lake to perfect his gluten-free, paleo-certified heroin.


Boxed Wine “Not So Bad” After Good Line

23 05 2010

Dustgunner Raich and Pantsless Vonesh were delighted and surprised that the $7.99 box of Cabernet they purchased at Albertson’s went down smoothly after a good line of cocaine.

“At first I would’ve said it was simple, overly fruity and sugary, but it really opened up after I put two rails of premium Colombian marching powder up my nose,” said Dustgunner Raich.

“The finish was sublime, and the lack of baby powder in the cocaine responded superbly to the nose of the Cab,” enthused Pantsless Vonesh.

%d bloggers like this: