What’s your Burning Man sign? This is the Year of the Top!

31 07 2011

Astrology is a subject that catches the attention of most of us. We’re all self-absorbed and egotistical enough to want ever more information about ourselves. Burning Man astrology helps stoke the bonfires of vanity by giving us a system closely related to Chinese astrology.

Long ago, during a strange pilgrimage into the Black Rock Desert known as Zone Trip #4, the ancient tribes from whom we descended lost esoteric information that helps explain the true nature of Burners. Recently, an intrepid explorer unearthed scrolls in the mountains of Pyramidzistan located deep in the Black Rock Desert where the lawless bands of Burndamentalists live. He died bringing us this treasure so that we might share it with you.

These scrolls contain the sacred astrology of Burning Man. Yes, it’s true. Far superior, and more accurate, than what the Chinese developed, or that crap Linda Goodman continually foists upon us, is a system that illuminates the true nature of all Burners.

This information is really heavy, you dig? So to make sure we don’t overload and cook all your grey matter we’re going to give it to you in little bits. If you don’t find your sign here today fret not, we’ll be unveiling a couple each day this week. To determine your sign use the year of your virgin burn to determine your ‘birth’ year into the Burning realm.

We’ll be unveiling TWO signs each day. Today are for virgin burn years 1986/1998/2010 and 1987/1999.

Tomorrow will be 1988/2000 and 1989/2001. Tuesday will be 1990/2002 and 1991/2003, and so on.

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12 responses

31 07 2011
31 07 2011
albertkaufman

you guys rock, I can’t wait to come and meet you this summer at Camp.

31 07 2011
Stank Spice Blend

whats the 2003?

31 07 2011
Anonymous

You are right on so far….. Waiting for my sign, 2001 )'(. 🙂

31 07 2011
Cheeky

You are right on so far…. What about 2001 )'(. 🙂

31 07 2011
TheShroom

We’ll be unveiling two per day. Today were for virgin burn years 1986/1998/2010 and 1987/1999.

Tomorrow will be 1988/2000 and 1989/2001. Tuesday will be 1990/2002 and 1991/2003 and so one.

2 08 2011
Anonymous

where are the others? it’s tuesday

2 08 2011
TheShroom

We’ve been out drinking. They’re up now. Arrrrghhhh!

3 08 2011
D.j. Time

I am not in agree with the latter part of the “TOP” text where it mentions having issues with other ‘sparkle ponies’ for the simple reasoning, I for one do not carry such insecurities within me, too much baggage!

3 08 2011
TheShroom

I’d recommend you take it up with the Ancient Burning Elders who divined this knowledge during some sort of communion with the gods. However, your mortal opinions are of little consequence to them.

3 08 2011
Anonymous

The Ancient Burning Elders say if you’re going to whine before your Virgin burn, sell your ticket at face value to a real Top, or don’t be a bossy little prick.

3 08 2011
Anonymous

Nowwaitaminute. ” other ‘sparkle ponies’ “. That makes sense. Maybe D.j. is or uses “other” sparkle ponies, who should save their double-ply for 2012. (S)he either still needs to buy a ticket and rent an RV or already picked them up for about 3 Grand each. If you even have a ticket, D.j., why not gift your ticket to Shpongle and do the playa a favor? 😉

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