Editorial: 2011 and Still No Flying Art Cars? WTF?!?

5 01 2011

by Thomas Friedman

I’m not alone in my utter shock and disappointment with the almost complete lack of the Jetsonification of society, am I? Where are the moving sidewalks (other than airport terminals) and robot maids? What about teleporters, Mr. Fusion, time travel? Where are the pneumatic people mover tubes? I want my JETPACK! Why don’t we have FLYING CARS!?! Hanna-Barbera fucking LIED to us!

We could all be living with a 9-hour work week and letting machines do almost ALL the labor! Imagine what the default world would look like, not to mention how amazing the Playa would be! Burners arriving in gravity-defying caravans with all their gear in tow and a small workforce of robots to set up domes, tents, kitchens and art installations while we humans could get to the more fulfilling part of the trip by socializing. God damn it to Hell!

Instead of sweating my nuggets off building a ginormous Flying Art Car Wash I could be at Bacon Without Borders’ 31 Flavors Bar sipping on some habañero-infused bourbon and munching on crispety bacon fried up in Bloody Beer mix and dipped in creamy cheddar cheese sauce.  Not only would that be a more fun and delicious way to spend my burn, but with nanobots to scrape the plaque off my arterial walls I wouldn’t have to worry about cholesterol anymore.

And who wouldn’t rather be at Hot Topic Thunderdome watching a guy dressed up as a leprechaun take on someone from Unicorn Camp instead of having to make dinner?  You could be off etching your name into the temple instead of sweating over stoves. That would be a reality if we had portable instant food dispensers, or dinner pills. Let’s face it; the denizens of BRC aren’t likely to be opposed to getting their nutrition from a pill. Seriously.

Think of the amount of dust you’d be spared in your hair and clothes if we had flying art cars and playa bikes and floating camps. Can’t you just see an Ashram Galactica in the sky? That’s dead sexy. Not to mention we’d get around Black Rock City much more quickly than having to roll at 5mph.

We should stand up and demand the Jetsonification of our society so we can cut and paste it onto our beloved city in the desert. Of course if no one else agrees I suppose I could be quasi-content holding hands and singing EEP OPP ORK AH-AH.

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