WikiLeaks Releases BORG Documents!

14 12 2010



Black Rock City, NV – The WikiLeaks drama has come home to roost in Black Rock City. Among the many documents to be published by the infamous whistle blower site is a trove of tens of pages relating to secrets that have been jealously guarded by the BORG.  Many of them not only reveal clandestine plans and motivations of the BORG, but also how the BORG really feels about some of the more prominent camps that make their home on the Playa.  The documents were spirited out of BORG headquarters by a DMV Hottie known as Flounder, using only a dubstep CD and a naked lady flash drive. It would seem a use for dubsteb has finally been found.

Among the revelations:

The café in center camp is a fully functioning creature of Starbucks. Starbucks not only siphons off profits from Burners who patronize the café, but they do so using volunteer labor of attendees who are unaware that they’re in fact unpaid Starbucks baristas.

Another leaked cable will show how the BORG offered free Burning Man tickets to the organizers of the Lollapalooza and Coachella festivals if they’d each agree to take the Dubstep DJs and Steampunk population over to their events.

Documents will illustrate BORG officials conspiring with NASA to keep Mercury permanently in Retrograde.

They will also expose Larry Harvey’s plan to use the Burning Man phenomenon to launch the world’s newest organized religion in much the same way that L. Ron Hubbard did.

We will also learn that 2009’s rumor about Daft Punk performing on the 3 o’clock side of town was perpetrated by First Camp. The purpose was to draw thousands of Burners to that side of town so that the REAL Daft Punk could play a show on the opposite side of town where only “the cool kids” would be in attendance.

Perhaps most embarrassing were the internal memos in which high ranking BORG members expressed their honest opinions about several of the more prominent camps and events at Burning Man.

One BORG member called Death Guild “feckless, vain and unoriginal…for a tribe of cannibals”. Another took a dim view of the Root Society saying their music was “trash”.  Still others complained that Opulent Temple had jumped the shark and needed to have new placement somewhere less embarrassing than the Esplanade.

But the biggest bombshell was an internal memo from Larry to key BORG personnel that not only outlines his master plan to increase commercialness, but it reveals that Burning Man will officially become “Too Commercial” in 2012.

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55 responses

14 12 2010
Danger Bunnie

Bwahahahaha… Mercury in permanent Retrograde… Not sure how much of this is actually true, but it was good for a laugh, thanks for sharing.

14 12 2010
El Chino

WHAT?????!!!! NO FUCKING WORD ON THE POWER OF THE TRANSMORPHAGON?? Where one of the FOUNDING members of THE SHROOM Got his start? His Indoctrination???? Where he first worked on an ARTCAR 40′ HIGH in a DustStorm! Where he yelled at his first BURNER!!??? THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!!! *&$#*%$(@^#%($*^%#@*%$&)%@&#_$&%!_@#^!_@#$)!O@#^$%!@#!#

14 12 2010
TheShroom

It must be that Transmorphagon is just so squeaky clean there was nothing to report about.

14 12 2010
El Chino

The GON is in no way squeaky clean…unless the Shroom & teh interwebz say so.

14 12 2010
TheShroom

The truth is it would incite pure pandemonium. We have to be almost responsible in what we report.

14 12 2010
Rtrd

lol. At least there’s no mention about the super secret documents about camp DUDEFUCKINGHELLYEAH!

14 12 2010
Tara Dacto

This did in fact keep me laughing as well. None of it has affected my reasons for attending still and I never have, nor plan to purchase anything at the center camp cafe anyways. Every year someone has some new type of drama or rumor regarding the burn…

14 12 2010
worldthreat

this just confirms that Julian Assange is a selfish douchebag… 😉 he is though. kids, just say no to ww3.. who likes rumors and ratfinks anyway?

21 12 2010
V

Julian Assange should be commended for exposing the truth to the world, even when it makes the USA look bad. Its time for USA to clean up its act … its foreign policy is a nightmare. There is nothing selfish about putting your neck on the line to reveal facts to the world !!!

14 12 2010
Brendan

Who are the Borg? Are they scary? Do they have funny ears?

14 12 2010
realerthanyou

Burning Man higher ups should practice what they preach! i dont feel bad for you at all…fake asses

14 12 2010
Redwood

What the hell is that supposed to mean? What exactly are “Burning Man higher-ups” preaching and yet not practicing? Or was that just a generic “Fuck The Man” statement that I can ignore?

21 12 2010
Polar Bear

You do realize you are reading “The Shroom” right?

21 12 2010
V

Well, Polar Bear, I guess somebody is paying you to do damage control and attempt a futile cover up for the BORG. We all feel sorry for your pathetic nature. I feel people like you are hopeless. However, Once you come down you maybe begin to see the light of reality. 😉 lol

14 12 2010
Healer1

it would be best if everyone complies

14 12 2010
Moof

I also heard that the Flying Spaghetti Monster will make its way out the mines this year and destroy all heretics!

14 12 2010
Quack quack

But they loved the DUCKPOND.

14 12 2010
Anonymous

All hail the DUCK POND!!!!

14 12 2010
Sir Ralph Lawerence

Dear Sirs and Maddems,
I right to you in the uptmosted impotence. Regarding a delicate Matter of Mr.LArry hairV’s bank account incwhich we will give you 1 hundred million Burning Man ticets, In return for a flight from Niegeria to BRC…..

14 12 2010
marklar

commercialness only “increasing”? Think of your civic PRIDE, city leaders. We can’t wait until 2012.

14 12 2010
14 12 2010
almost the court jester

The BORG is actually being run by a secret society called the CHOMP…that’s what I heard. Don’t tell Nobody.

14 12 2010
Steve

I guess all I’m sayin is: Why would you want to go scorch in the middle of a desert WITHOUT awesome bands, when you can hit up, like, any music festival, and NOT have to deal with New Disney in the Desert? Also, the “use” of dubstep is to RRRAAAGGGEEE. fool

14 12 2010
Nicole

I don’t care if it’s true or not. Burning man rocks and you guys sucks.

14 12 2010
Kit OConnell

I got a chuckle out of this. Thanks.

14 12 2010
cobblepot

awesome.. reminds me of the ‘old’ days reading Piss Clear

14 12 2010
EmCee Widget

OK this made me smile. Then I read the replies! heh! =D Shakes some more playa dust outta my hair….

14 12 2010
Demunseed

Where else can you walk up to a naked girl and say, “I’m making a coffee table book about burning man. Can I take a picture of your cooch?”

18 04 2012
Brian McGloin

Well, really anywhere. Although on the playa you can legitimately say “dusty, waxed vagina” and it won’t be in the slightest bit unusual.

15 12 2010
The All-powerful Bull Bunny

Just another conspiracy about something, leaked about something, speculating something. The only real conspiracy is that “Camp Orphan Eaters” lured in unsuspecting orphans and dipped them in Fondue before sucking their bones clean. The Burn will always live in the hearts of generous, loving, creative people not in the sourse of the center camp latte.

21 12 2010
V

Hi hunny-bunny – thanks for living in denial. the world needs more blindness, and you are the answer.

16 12 2010
Yumberry

Isn’t the BORG from Star Trek or something? Reptilian beings with lazer beams coming out of their eyeballs at burning man…?
Well do to technology now a days anything and everything can be commercialized. I’m going to got curl up in a blanket and stare at a box.
Burning Man lives on and Nasa works with extraterrials < Ooo Iove that spelling. lol

Time to a eat a mushroom!

19 12 2010
Grapple

I’m always amazed when I scroll down the comments by how many people read something like this and actually take it at face value. c’mon citizen lets get the humor, dig a little deeper , its never too late to change the brain into second gear for awhile and see how that feels.

21 12 2010
V

Hey Grapple, head in the sand ? Thanks for helping the cover up. More like head up your -ss !!! lol Where is the humour in lying to Burners ? I’m struggling to see the humour in lying to volunteers ? Maybe you can enlighten us Grapple ??!!? Wake up Grapple, you live in a fantasy world. Too much magic mushrooms on the Playa perhaps. 😀 V

20 12 2010
V

Why is almost everyone trying to cover up the Starbucks hypocrisy that exposes Burning Man’s organizers as greedy capitalists for selling out on their “hippy” ideals of love, freedom and most of all sharing ? I have been to the past three Burns and always had a great time, but this behavior is shameful, and very UN-Burningman !!! It’s strange that we as the Burning Man community are not more outraged (as evidenced by all the “cover-up” emails trying to poke fun at the situation). Truly, its not something to make light of. Hell why wait until 2012 to declare Burning Man commercial … ? At $300 per TICKET there is more than enough profit for the greedy owners of BurningMan than to trick their loyal followers into being the corporate slaves of Starbucks. The other parts of the Wikileads story seem less offensive, as I am sure the organizers have the right to be critical of style and music; after all everybody has the freedom to like or dislike certain camps – that is far more normal than exploiting your faithful Burners without whom there would be no festival, and no fun. BORG, you should not take us Burners for granted anymore !!! Sorry for calling a spade a spade but I am furious at you BORG Burningman Senior Orgarnizers for turning a fun festival into a business. Warm Regards, Vee

21 12 2010
Polar Bear

Did you know there is a camp called “Secret Identity Camp” where they kidnap you, bag your head, take you to a secret location and brainwash you into thinking that you are having a great time by actually making you have a great time? Well, there is such a camp, and I am a member. If I see you roaming the playa, you will get what you deserve. Consider this a warning.

21 12 2010
Joe

🙂 Super Funny! TAKE ME, TAKE ME!!! I need serious brainwashing, I hope you guys use some slickoooo liquid juice to get ’em deep crevices spottless clean… my brain is full of em. I hear sexy young Burner Virgins are a good source of Pssy Juice! Cheerfully (dirty brained) Joe

21 12 2010
Polar Bear

Definitely, young Burner Virgin boys are full of Pssy Juice. They get all “please stop, I don’t have any gifts to barter with” with us, but we just lay on him with our softest fur and tell him to shut up and take it like a man.

18 04 2012
Brian McGloin

Um … V, I don’t know how to say this, but the Shroom is satire.

Money from center camp and ice sales goes to charities like Black Rock Solar. You know the dirty little school buildings near Nixon and Empire and Gerlach with the shiny, new solar panels?

Borg loses money on center camp cafe and ice sales.

Black Rock City is expensive to build and run. Think of that when you’re launching a submarine in the cleanest pora-shits you’ll ever see. Think of that when you’re enjoying some monstrous, crazy art — it most likely has funding from Bmorg.

There is some financial strangeness but mostly its legit and listed on their website.

The most important thing to remember is the ‘Shroom, like the Onion, is satire.

20 12 2010
April

“On my community’s Yahoo group, we’ve been talking about the intersection of commerce and community. What is the nature of the relationship between the two? As one person pointed out, it is natural to view people as a resource, as a means to an end, when operating in a system of commerce. I think it’s okay to take this view as long as you can step out of the commercial context and realize that there are other dimensions to people, other values, and other ways of interacting. Commerce is okay if we simultaneously view the world in the context of other values that affect our attitude towards commerce.

Let me use a personal example to illustrate my point. When my family plays our annual Thanksgiving soccer game I view the family members on the opposing team as opponents to be defeated. In that context, my classification of them is natural and appropriate. That view is the true nature of our temporary relationship in the context of the game. They are people with the capacity to physically compete with me. Yet, I should always be ready to view my family members in other contexts. If my Dad stumbles and falls, I don’t run over him in my rush to score on his team. My love for him and the value of human life causes me to suspend the game, help him up, and check to see if he’s alright. Likewise, I don’t continue to view my family as mere competition after the game is over. Thus far, I think we’re on the same page with community conditioning competition and vice versa.

This brings me to the issue of the relationship between community and commerce. We are all concerned about not selling out the culture of Burning Man. I believe that selling-out implies a certain relationship between End Value systems that is like the potential for conflict between competitive play and love of family. For instance, it would be inappropriate if my father used our family ties and relationship to persuade me to pass him the ball in the soccer game so he can score against my team. I would be betraying the values of the game for my family value. If my father used my family values to achieve game value, he would be betraying family values for game values.

This muddling of values becomes inappropriate and futile because value ceases to be authentic outside of its context. When one value becomes merely a means to the other, both value systems are corrupted. Family love is not created by agreements to help each other win soccer games. Likewise, winning in soccer games does not entail making so many personal relationships that everyone passes you the ball. Value in a soccer game is achieved by physical and mental skills in competition. If I help my dad score because he’s my dad, he doesn’t win as defined by the rules of soccer. In other words, both value systems are corrupted when one is allowed to subsume or exploit the other.

So, how about when we use business models to run our [regional] events? Isn’t business the means to community in this relationship? Couldn’t this relationship be considered corrupt? I don’t think so. I disagree with the idea that when people buy a ticket to Burning Man they buy immediate experience, or community, or even art. Business provides the Burning Man Project with the means to amass goods, hire services and pay its workers. The Project uses this business model to create a social and logistical framework (land rental, porta potties, permits and fees, as well as an entire year’s worth of planning by its staff). The Project annually sells this effort and these resources to ticket purchasers as a commodity.

But… people buy this framework in which they can create immediate experiences for themselves! The framework does not create immediate experience, although it helps support it. After the purchase occurs, the framework is transformed by us into a communal value, namely a city. Even if everyone bought a ticket and just came out to the desert without participating, the event framework would still be there, but it wouldn’t be a city. We create the communal value through our participation. The same goes for the practice of gifting. To get down to it, material things don’t have the meaning ‘commodity’ or the meaning ‘gift’ until humans instill these meanings in them. A thing’s meaning changes depending on the context in which we choose to place it.

So what is the proper relationship between commerce and community? I think that real value of both commerce and community can be simultaneously created from the same event. I think this creation can happen without one value system being used merely as a means to sustain the other. This ideal is possible because commerce and community have peripheral effects that can be translated into value for each other. Think of all the stuff we end up buying to bring out to Black Rock City! All that stuff is purchased for use at the event and then transformed by our relationship to one another.

To return to the soccer game example, playing soccer is fun and strengthens our family ties. But we only have fun if we play by the rules and authentically compete. A peripheral effect of the game’s value system is used to support family value. Likewise, if I want to play soccer, I have to find enough people willing to form teams and compete without killing each other. Our family love and size assures me that I can achieve this. If we start hating each other, then folks will stomp off and the teams will fall apart, meaning the end of the game. In other word, a peripheral effect of our family value system is used to support game value.

And this is not a corrupt or artificial relationship! Producing a competitive soccer game is not the goal of family. Producing family love is not the goal of soccer. Yet, each value system benefits indirectly and peripherally from the other. Neither value system’s end goals are sacrificed, and thus both benefit from each other without corruption. My view is that the relationship must create value in terms of both commerce and community. If there is a communal investment, it must be for communal value. If there is a commercial investment, it must be for commercial value. If there is an investment of both, it must be for value in terms of both.

So, I think one of the major goals in bringing our culture to the default world should be to show society how to simultaneously value commerce and community and not corrupt the two. Let community and commerce do their thing freely and naturally within their own contexts. When they exist in an organic rather than a corrupt or artificial relationship, they’ll naturally benefit each other.”
-Zay, the Burning Man Project’s regional contact in Kansas

20 12 2010
V

April, Are you serious ? Are you dreaming in technicolour and grasping at straws in attempting to defend what simply cannot be defended ? The spirit of Burning Man has been seriously compromised by Wikileaks. Just like the US government has been embarrassed by Wikileaks in Iraq / Afghanistan. You cannot have it both ways. perhaps you’ve had too many playa cocktails have affected your critical thinking skills ?

I read your above comments April ! what are you trying to say ? Would you get members of your family or community to work for you for free, and then make profits off their unpaid labor ? All the while telling them they are volunteering for a good cause (i.e. increasing your bank account). So really, you are suggesting lying to our fellow Burners and exploiting them is ok ?

Also, your family Thanksgiving soccer analogy is so wildly out of context and a most inappropriate comparison and rationalization. It would be a more accurate example to compare what the BORG did to having your own children miss out on your family soccer game because they were working for free selling lemonade at the park. And then you had to lie to your own father to help bring lemonade supplies back and forth all all day to help your kids, so that he too would miss your family soccer day, so that they could help shareholders of Starbucks turn a better profit for the fiscal quarter, on the backs of your father and children … lol Sorry April, but any way you try to spin it, its still exploitation of Burners. A lie is still a lie. A scam is still a scam.

* We expect an apology from the BORG for lying to people.
* At $300 a ticket multiplied by 40,000 people is TWELVE MILLION DOLLARS, and your are telling me you have to lie to volunteers, And that there is not enough money to hand out some free coffee to burners at center camp ??? How many Mocha Latte’s can you provide with even a fraction of a $1 Million dollars, do you really need to lie to volunteers ? … c’mon lets be realistic.
* BORG has taken advantage of all the people who come, and bring their spirit, love, fun, and make the event work. The people are what makes BurningMan special. The BORG is focussed more and more on profiteering and greediness and they have forgotten the original spirit of burning man, which is to connect with people, to love people, to escape the capitalistic rat race where people are just numbers, and not human beings. SHAME, SHAME, SHAME on you BORG BurningMan senior administrators.
* SHAME on you April for defending the liars.

Cheers,

V

21 12 2010
April

These are not my words, I am quoting a page from the Burning Man website in response. Sorry if you don’t agree.
April

21 12 2010
Polar Bear

You do realize that there are not any actual wikileaks documents and that the shroom is not a real newspaper right? You are not actually reading this while you are still on acid, right?

21 12 2010
V

Polar Bear, I feel sorry for you that you live in a Fairy Tale land. The Wikileaks information is all over the internet in several valid sources. Its gone viral !!! What do you have to gain from being in denial of the truth I wonder ? Get your head out of your -ss and face reality. lol The shroom is a useful website that shares information and opinions and is not biased like your typical newspaper (*see Noam Chomsky’s Propaganda Model once your head is out of your -ass !!!). Get educated Loser. Ha! ha ! 😀

21 12 2010
Polar Bear

I get all my news from The Shroom, and would never question it’s integrity. I am sorry, I must have mistyped. My whole reply was a typo.

28 12 2010
TheShroom

Excuse me Mr. Polar Bear; we publish several issues a year in addition to the blog, the twitter account and the Facebook page. We are, in fact, a real newspaper. We spellcheck and everything.

21 12 2010
Redwood

Okay V, your joke has officially gotten old.

25 12 2010
BeenThereBefore

You know what gets me? The BORG and more elite (read: wealthy) burners parking in the Quarter, right off of center camp with their massive RV’s, massive power generators, truckloads of seafood and fresh produce in refridgerated containers, and two story lookout platforms.

28 12 2010
Top 10 Stories of 2010 « The Shroom

[…] 1.   WikiLeaks Releases BORG Documents […]

28 12 2010
TeCo

Hello, hello.its dark in here. I just put my new 8-Track in my 8-track player and listen to 8-track music. I also heard that shoorm days at VW camp are being monitored by BORG….fuckers!! they just want evrything for themselves!!.Que viva la Revolucion!!!

29 12 2010
Alec

Un-Fucking-Believable…This shit makes me sad…I ALWAYS thought it was wierd they sold coffee and an “electrolyte drink” aka. GATORADE… Thank non-god i NEVER bought a fucking thing…

31 12 2010
Redwood

*sigh*

If you’re actually pissed off, and not laughing, you probably shouldn’t be going to Burning Man anyway. Or maybe you should. Or…

26 07 2011
Harvey announces 2011 is final Burning Man « The Shroom

[…] –The wikileaks expose on the BORG […]

3 08 2011
Carrot Pretty Mane

The dark Lord will be notified of the Borg’s transgressions and will not be pleased.

unless there was a typo, and it was supposed to read “Trance”…

2 07 2014
Anonymous

What the fuck do even do cafe!
Love DPW

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