The Man Escapes!

19 10 2010

An artist's rendering of The Man finally, finally, finally escaping.

(ED NOTE: This was the very first headline of the very first Shroom in 2004. Kudos to Aaron Mahony for the initial design and layout.)

CENTER CAMP, (BRC) – Undercover of a midnight dust storm, The Man escaped from his moorings and fled into the night. His intended destination and present whereabouts were not known at press time. Authorities described The Man as ‘Armed with fireworks and therefore semi-dangerous, or perhaps, really spectacularly entertaining.’

10 Rangers were found incapacitated and giggling near the former base of The Man. No one was hurt, but one ranger claimed she’d had a bad trip.

Tracks led off to the SSW, possibly in the direction of Reno. However, a highly placed source within the Nevada Police Department said investigators were focusing on Canada, which is more likely to offer asylum.

Burning Man founder Larry Harvey had the following written comments: “We’re surprised this hasn’t happened before. Run, Man, Run!”

No witnesses were able to give an account of the escape, but one man, identified only as ‘The Moustache’ said he thought he saw an 8’ tall rabbit in the vicinity of The Man the previous night. Authorities were not able to corroborate his story. Lieutenant’s Brisco and Curtis of the Gerlach PD said they would be right on it, as soon as they were done checking out the action at Pinky’s.

News of the Man’s escape outside of Black Rock City has captivated the public at large, and not surprisingly, caused the nation’s terror alert level to be raised to Orange. (Vice) President Cheney himself is believed to have signed an Executive Order commanding border patrols to ‘Shoot to Burn.’

In its stead, Burners have erected a 2 story tall structure resembling the adorable Balki from TV’s Perfect Strangers. The Burn Ceremony, Man or not, is expected to go on Saturday night as scheduled.

A Las Vegas Crime Scene Investigator is expected to arrive later today to further examine evidence left at the scene, including splinters and what is rumored (and hoped) to be a large puddle of The Man’s saliva.

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