BORG Passes Defense of Playa Marriage Act

6 10 2010

Center Camp, BRC – The BORG today passed controversial BRC-wide legislation that defines marriage as “Only a loving union between two people which won’t last past Decompression.”

Proponents of DoPMA were overjoyed, celebrating with playa marriages on the steps of the Man, at the Temple, and wherever post-coital impulsive bliss was to be had. Opponents were ruefully shaking their head, waiting for the old, bigoted people to die.

“Without DoPMA, couples might think they have a chance at creating a family, growing old with an ill-fitting party fuck, or thinking they’re soul mates with someone who probably has a boyfriend back home,” said Anita Cockrant, a DoPMA spokesperson.

Anti-DoPMA riots broke out across the city, as “Real Love” supporters decried the bill as hateful. Acts of civil disobedience were centered around The Temple. Protesters donated millions to the DoPMA campaign. “Traditional Marrieds” shrouded the structure in dust by driving donuts around the Temple in non-mutant vehicles bearing “Not Just Married” signs and stringing along several cases of empty Tecaté cans.

DoPMA proponents were undeterred; vowing to do whatever it took to keep the law. “We’re doing it for the children – the inner children who might otherwise have been saddled in unloving, restrictive marriage characterized by soul-crushing boredom and ‘vanilla pudding missionary position with the lights off on Tuesdays’ sex,” said Cockrant. “Now these children will be free — by October at the latest — to explore their joy, follow their muse and just goof the fuck off.”

The act, part of a series of worldwide legislation protecting the limited duration and sanctity of casual festival hook-ups, including the Defense of Spring Break Fucking Act, the Coachella Choice Campaign, and Prop L8, which protected the right of one night stands to seek abortions.

President Harvey, who drew large support from the Real Love community during his campaign, was silent on the DoPMA’s act’s passage.

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One response

4 08 2011
non-sparkle pony

as an ill-fitting party fuck i am so glad we finally have equal rights (still not clear on what they are but it feels right,,,)

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