Bacon Without Borders Suffers Campwide Heart Attack

14 09 2010

9:30 & B, BRC – In a shocking, tragic, utterly foreseeable, yet ultimately unpreventable event, the entire Bacon Without Borders camp suffered massive cardiac arrest. REMSA emergency services personnel blamed the fatalities on the massive build-up of cholesterol and plaque in their overworked, but delighted hearts.

Though quick to arrive on the scene with defibrillators doctors were unable to revive a single soul. However, hours later they were still excitedly giving mouth-to-mouth to the porcine-loving campers, many of whom still had half-eaten, delicious bacon in their lifeless, greasy mouths.

“MMMMMmmmmmmmm, bacon!” stated Rangers on the scene. Bacon Without Borders provided hungry Burners delicious crispety bacon daily from Bacon O’Clock to O’Bacon Thirty in a distribution system commonly known as “one slice of crispy delicious fried cured pig for you, one slice of crispy delicious fried cured pig for me.”

The boyfriend of one of the campers–who identified himself as Michelangelo–was seen kneeling and shaking his fist at the sky. Witnesses believe he yelled, “Why would a kind and loving God do this? Why would He create something so amazingly wonderful that is so terribly bad for you? ”

Burners of all ages, races, creeds, colors and nutritional orientations were turning the camps “Sin baconem haud valens vita” statue into a makeshift memorial.

The BWB camp was widely known to drink bacon-infused bourbon, eat bacon-infused chocolate and fuck with bacon-infused lube. Unsurprisingly, this led to the rapid-development of porcine-plaque in the bloodstream and later to a campwide myocardial infarction.

This was the only surviving member of Bacon Without Borders.

When asked if the county would be performing autopsies to determine cause of death, the Washoe County Coroner nearly peed himself laughing. “I guarantee you it’s not lupus,” replied Dr. House.

A BMIR report stated that a Thunderdome procurement agent was busy bartering for the release of the delicious Bacon Without Borders campers’ bacon-filled corpses to the Death Guild commissary.

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4 responses

14 09 2010
booka

So like the the platter they were eating off of when they kicked, are they gonna finish it? Cuz I ‘d be glad to help out, ya know, I mean it’s just going to waste….

20 09 2010
lupus

Yah everyone knows lupus is caused by eating crispy delicious fried cured wolf.

28 12 2010
Top 10 Stories of 2010 « The Shroom

[…]   Bacon Without Borders Suffers Camp Wide Heart Attack This was the only surviving member of Bacon Without […]

26 07 2011
Harvey announces 2011 is final Burning Man « The Shroom

[…] –Bacon Without Borders Suffers Camp-wide Heart Attack […]

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