GAYDAR Sabotaged? Threatens Sexual Identity on the Playa.

16 05 2010

A Playa-wide meltdown of Black Rock City’s GAYDAR (Gay Detection and Ranging) system is causing mass confusion, awkward conversation and, in at least one reported case, the loss of a man’s anal virginity.

“With all the tight pants, lascivious dancing, and buff, half-naked bodies it’s nearly impossible to tell if the guy you’re looking at is gay,” said Mads, a gay Burner. “I can’t tell you how much time I’ve wasted barking up the wrong tree without my GAYDAR.”

Ms. Hot Tamale, Mads’ frustrated and horny straight female companion, had only “No fucking shit” to add.

DPW technicians are unsure what caused the GAYDAR to go down so easily. Although Playa dust and candy flipping have not yet been ruled out there is concern that the malfunction was a planned attack carried out by a radical faction of the Free Love Society known as Glory Hole Bang, or GHB. Virgins were advised to avoid GHB.

Jiffy Lube, a gay sex camp, was unaffected by the GAYDAR outage. Their older, less sophisticated homosexual detection system uses a more-reliable technology called BONAR. Jiffy Lube confirmed that the system was “Still up and throbbing.”

A spokesperson for DPW said they have contacted GAYDAR’s manufacturer, Gaytag, to send a technician to repair the system, but the Gaytag repairman refuses to come out.

Halley Burton, a customer service representative for Gaytag, has informed the DPW that sabotage by radical, desert-based groups is not covered by the warranty and a new one would have to be purchased at full price. The installation fee and cost of on site consultants for an undetermined amount of time are not included, further complicating the situation.

Many female Burners have complained that their system “Lights up like fucking Christmas” while only feet away their friend’s GAYDAR showed “Not a single blowable blip”. Nemo, the captain of the Nautlius, reported that their SONAR navigation system was working fine, but without their GAYDAR online they were unsure to what party they should drive.

Nurse Bad, a Hetero Burners Nation spokeswoman, was unable to comment due to an unusual length of gay cock in her mouth.

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