High-maintenance Boyfriend Broken Down Until Further Notice

(3:00 & Coming Out) – Putting their failing relationship on display, Mads told campmates that his boyfriend Bruce would not be participating until further notice. “He’s in the RV just lying on the bed, complaining about the thread count on the sheets,” Mads said. “I even played I Will Survive for him, but he didn’t shake so much as a hip.”

Bruce’s complaints included the heat, the dust, ruining his Prada shoes, the lack of take-out, the dust, the heat, no Equinox, and way too many disgusting vaginas. “I haven’t seen him this unhappy since Elton John played Rush Limbaugh’s wedding.” Sighed Mads, “This is what I get for dating a guy from Chelsea.”

Steve Wynn To Open Burning Man Themed Hotel

The Man will burn nightly within steps of the nearest slot machines.

By Burnwood & Wordstein

Las Vegas, NV – The Shroom can exclusively report that world-renowned casino and hotel developer Steve Wynn has signed an exclusive deal with the BORG to produce the first official Burning Man themed hotel on the strip in Las Vegas. To be situated next to the Mandalay Bay, the Burning Man hotel will feature a 6 story tall ‘Man’ which will be burned nightly in an extravagant display of faux-paganism.

Including a 20,000 sq. foot convention center, casino & capacity for over 30,000 guests, the hotel is intended to open in time for Labor Day 2008. “What could be more appealing and culturally relevant than the counter-culture,” asked Mr. Wynn. “We intend to democratize the Burning Man experience for Middle America, and of course, to monetize a little bit of it for our investors.” All casino visitors will be asked to vigorously participate, eliminating the gawkers typical to many high-rolling casinos. A large retail space, referred to in an internal document as ‘The Gift Economy’, will include Tiffany trinkets and Prada faux-fur ensembles for rental or purchase.

“Of course, our guests would comply with all state and federal laws,” Mr. Wynn said with a devilish wink.

Amenities include:
• Temple Day Spa (dust storm microderm abrasion recommended)
• Art car monorail
• Leave No Trace maid service
• Spectator concert venue
• Center camp restaurant and cafe with a $19.95 all-you-can-eat surf ‘n’ turf buffet
• L. Harvey Convention Center

A full entertainment line-up at The Spectator Concert Venue is still tentative, but permanent guests on the consideration list include Carrot Top, Gloria Estefan and Celine Dion. A nightly burlesque show featuring ‘ravers’ in short faux-fur skirts and pasties has yet to be officially announced. A fire-based companion show to the Cirque de Soleil water show ‘O’ is expected to be named ‘CO2’.

An analyst from DeutschBanke predicted that by 2010 previous guests of the resort would be complaining that the Burning Man hotel would no longer be as great as it used to be. “A Burning Man theme hotel in the middle of the Nevada desert with a nightly fire-show is going to be a titanic winner,” the analyst added. “What could possibly go wrong?”