By Veruca Salt
San Francisco, CA – In a stunning reversal, the BORG decided to issue tickets to the multitudes left out in the cold as a result of the callous lottery system. Taking a page from the playbook of the Federal Reserve, the BORG just printed up more tickets when they ran out. When asked about the change of heart, Marian Goodell responded by saying that “We heard all the
bitching and moaning reasoned debate from the community and decided that we just couldn’t take it anymore owed something to the people who have supported the event over the years.”
There will be some restrictions with the newly minted tickets, however. “Because we can’t really
stomach seeing you accept another 20,000 adults into the event, we can only issue the tickets with the stipulation that all recipients will reside in Kidsville for the week,” said Will Chase. “So we’ll be putting you in timeout expanding Kidsville and placing it in its own corner of the city.”
Burning Man founder (and shape-shifting vampire), Larry Harvey, will personally be gifting
binkies blinkies to all the new ticket holders just to show that there’s no hard feelings.