Black Rock City, NV – Unless you’ve been living under a pile of MOOP all year you know by now that this year’s ticketing situation makes The Great Sellout of 2011 seem like the good ol’ days. At first we were like most, willing to buy the story of excess demand, poor judgment, and plain bad luck as the reasons for getting shafted this year.
However, the folks at another blog dedicated to all things Burning Man, and we shan’t name names, suggest that the BORG have engineered the whole thing. They have patched together a conspiracy theory that would make Oliver Stone blush.
What the disenfranchised don’t know is that the BORG’s plan to rob people of a trip to the playa this year is just the tip. As other misdeeds come to light, burners will feel like they got the whole nine inches. Well-placed Shroom operatives have uncovered a trove of old cocktail napkins on which are written some of the BORG’s most pernicious plans.
Among the shocking revelations:
- It was Maid Marian, not Yoko Ono, who broke up The Beatles.
- Larry Harvey, who is a shape-shifting vampire, perpetrated the Inquisition as Torquemada.
- Danger Ranger was the second gunman on the grassy knoll.
- Andie Grace started the rumor that the works of William Shakespeare were really written by a woman.
- Will Chase is a government plant, and registered republican, secretly keeping files on everyone.