Editorial: Mercury Won’t Always Be in Retrograde, But You’ll Always Be Crazy.

I wanted to say thank you to a special woman out there. You know who you are. I wanted to let you know how wonderful the two days we spent getting to know each other were. You’re a lovely, funny, creative, nurturing, intelligent woman. Unfortunately, you’re also completely batshit crazy.

It was all very cute at first. My being an Aries and you being a Leo make a great 5-9 sun sign combination; our moons are both exalted; our ascendants are harmonious, blah blah blah. I figured it was harmless; perhaps even fun. I finally saw what was coming when you suggested we not go to the Temple of Flux together while Mercury is in retrograde, which, I found out, is for the duration of Burning Man. That’s when I decided that I’d have to pull the ripcord.

I don’t know if waiting until the Moon is conjunct with Uranus to spend the night together in my tent in order to help ensure a long lasting union, or if having Sagittarius trine to your 12th house before discussing whether we’d like to continue to see each other in the default world are solid life strategies. Under most circumstances I’d say, “whatever works for you”, but it’s painfully clear these things aren’t working for you.

Perhaps I should have recognized your constant referrals to us as ‘soul mates’ after our first night of sex for the red flag it obviously was. But even though Mercury was in Retrograde, I will take the blame for missing that one. The 2C-B was just that good.

Look, you can’t blame your every little neurotic tic on the alignment of the planets. If you took the time to examine your life I’d bet you’re sure to find a wake of devastation and insanity behind you. No, it’s not due to a poorly placed Saturn in your birth chart or the temporary location of our smallest planet. It’s due to your being batshit crazy and refusing to apply reason or accountability to your life.